Rambling reflections...

I'm going to admit, I have been doing a whole heap of thinking since the fires.  A whole lot of reflection on my life and how I live it.

There are somethings Im very happy with, I'm really content and happy with the overall direction of our lives, our values and the things awe are trying to do, though its not all rosy.  There is always room for improvement!  


I am the kind of person that could potentially turn into a hermit.  I quite like my own company, to sit with my thoughts, to filter through them.  Often I get this time in sewing, or gardening.  When I do this I live a better life, a more intentional life.  I'm a better wife, a better mother, a better friend.

I have spent too much time this year saying "yes" when actually I wanted to say "no".  I actually thought I was pretty good at saying "no".   But upon deeper reflection this is not actually the case.  There has been a cost to this.  I still worry what other people think of me, not a lot, but its still there in the back of my mind.  Sometimes these "yes" answers have put my family second,and I want to change this in the coming year.  I have done things to please others which has not been in our own families best interests.  It has made our family rush, it has brought in unnecessary complexity and stress.   

I realized I have been rushing simplifying - oh the irony!!  Sometimes I'm so busy trying to keep things going that I don't always include the boys on the valuable life lessons around the house.  I don't include them in real and meaningful work enough.  We do not insist on them actually completing enough age appropriate responsibility.  They do work of course, but I'm too soft, I let them wiggle out of finishing the job, I have been letting them slide back to the TV in the last few months, a habit we have slipped into due to tiredness and rushing but badly needs to change.  Or I find myself taking over the job as its faster and uses less energy then instructing/helping them do it.

I am struggling to get into the Christmas spirit this year, I think it will be a quiet one.  But I am ready to start afresh.  My mind and my focus is renewed after the fires.

I have realized I do not allow myself enough grace, there are small and do-able dreams I have I have not given myself permission to work towards.

The other day Oprah Winfrey was in the city for a single show.  I wanted to go, but I could not justify the tickets.  It was a big expense, the family comes first, its not a necessity I told myself.  Then the fires came and I was reminded of the fact we only live once.  It just so happened that on the day something popped up on my news feed and I thought to myself "I'm going to do it!" Its a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience something I have dreamed of for years.  So I rang my dear friend and we bought the cheapest tickets at the very last minute at $99, drove into the city and went!  We brought our own water, parked a little way away so it was free and it was a beautiful, soul replenishing night and a wonderful experience!  An opportunity I was not going to ALLOW myself to have.

You know what else I have always wanted to do but not done in fear of judgement?  Get dreads.  Little, neat dreads.  I have ALWAYS loved them.  To me there is just something beautiful about them.  Now I know they are not everyone's thing but in the new year I'm going to do it.  Because you know what?  Its HAIR.  It will grow back, they are not permanent, and if I don't I'm going to one day regret not giving myself permission to explore my own style because of what other people think of it.  My style is kinda earthy, a little quirky, and simple.  I mean seriously I'm 32 (33?) years old, whose permission am I waiting for?  I will be able to neatly tie them up, to pop them in a neat bun if need be.  Its really no big deal but I have never done it because of what other people think.  

Living simply does not mean depriving oneself of dreams and experiences and the occasional luxury, it means cutting away the excess to focus on what TRULY matters.  Spending the night listening to Oprah talking about living your best life helped me process the jumbled thoughts and reflections I have been having and trying to work though. 

I feel like the things I want to say "yes" too in the new year are clearer, and the things I need to let go of are as well.

It is not always going to be easy, but I feel like I'm well on the way to simplifying myself, and I think the flow on will be nothing but positive for our little family.

I have been reminded I do not need to try and fix others issues - I simply need to focus on what is im my heart of hearts to do, to help with and pour my energy into that.  To fulfill the call I believe God has on my life.  Control is simply an illusion, one I realize I had too tight a grip of and was sapping energy I didn't need to spend worrying about things I had no power to change.  These are things I knew, but bad habits that had slowly and silently crept up on me, as bad habits usually do.

The cause?  Rushing.  Not enough time in prayer, in quiet reflection, meditation.  What ever you want to call it.  Not enough time listening to my heart and my quiet inner voice and too much time listening to the louder, more demanding outside voices around me.  This is my fault - not theirs.  I alone am responsible to how I process and choose to interact with the world around me.


So next year I have a few thoughts that I'm praying over, waiting to see what comes to fruition.  But this is for sure, I will be doing far LESS, but giving those one or two outside things my best.

So I ask you all to allocate at least 15 minutes soon to sit in quiet, meditation, prayer, reflection and listen to the quiet voice in your heart.  Is there something like me, that you are missing?

Much love,
Em
xx



21 comments

  1. Bravo Emma - paradigms are a-shifting and strong towers of the mind are toppling. Smile.

    ReplyDelete
  2. A wonderful post, Emma. By the way, I can't wait to see the dreads! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha! Thanks Chel! Grants not convinced, but grant being grant us going with the flow - I'll be sure to take a photo! ;) xx

      Delete
  3. This is a great post. You are very lucky to have realised this. Go for the dreadlocks and for being yourself. I'm 47 and regret that I never got dreads when I was younger, because of fear of others reactions. Even now I'm still not living a true to me life, don't be like me.
    Cheers Kate

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know I don't think living your authentic life has an expiry date on it, I really don't believe it is ever too late. The thing with age is that you gain wisdom and that all the more reason to live the life in your heart. Go for the dreads! You will rock them! xx

      Delete
  4. Looking forward to seeing your dreads as well. I think they will suit you quite well.
    I have been slowly coming into my own more and more as the years go by. I think the older we get (I'll be 49 in a couple months) the more we really don't react to others opinions as much. We tend to have our own opinions on how we should be living our lives, everyone is entitled to their own. Can also make for some really good conversations. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I completely agree, especially with the conversation part.

      See I thought I didn't let peoples opinions stop me, but I realize there is still a thread that needs breaking. Its interesting isnt it? Like peeling back an onion, layers upon layers of peeling to do and each layer exposing new things! :)

      xx

      Delete
  5. Yay! A comment form I can access! So glad you found out a way to change it, because your blog posts really, really speak to me. I can relate on the 'slipping back' while all you want is to move fast forward. I have the same thing, especially with my boy. I'm in awe of people who combine parenting and a simple lifestyle - convenience is a tricky and silent sidetracker here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it is important to recognize when we struggle, as we all do struggle at times. But I think as time goes on I slip back less and less during these times of struggle, slowly but surely I see improvement!

      xx

      Delete
  6. This is a beautiful post Emma. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I especially love your photo of the washing on the line as I feel a kind of simple pleasure seeing my washing hanging on the line. The simplicity of a good life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I completly agree, I often stop to look at it for a moment as Im walking past. Especially first thing in the morning. Also A line full of whites is perhaps my favorite thing, or nappies. There is something satisfying about hanging the nappies!

      xx

      Delete
  7. Oh! I'm so excited I can comment again. I do have a google account, but do you think I can remember the log in details?
    I swear this post could have been written about me you know. The last few months I feel as though I have been rushing through my life and missed out on most of it. Does that make sense?
    A few months ago I got a job. Now I haven't worked for over 10yrs, not since my first son was born. The job sort of fell in my lap, I wasn't looking for it, and as it was only 2hours a week I thought I'd go for it. And now although the hours are still only 2hours a week it feels as though it has taken over my life. Last week I cracked and decided to take a step back...I will still continue working but I need to learn not to invest so much emotional energy in it. It is in my nature to help people, and I often take on their burdens and find myself trying to 'fix' things that I have no control over. Unfortunately my family and my values have suffered because of it.
    Sorry to ramble on so much, but this post really struck a chord with me. It is interesting to see a parallel of your life in someone elses, and also is comforting to know other people struggle with similar things...I am not alone.
    You have really restored my faith today...I want to do this simple living, it is who I am...I can do it and I will do it. Thankyou
    Cassandra

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes it completely makes sense! I think it is something that creeps up when stress sneaks in. For us it has been selling/buying/moving that triggered it all Id say.

      Do give yourself grace and go gently on yourself, we are all human and tomorrow is a new day!

      Thank you so much for your lovely big comment, I'm so glad my messy life resonates with others! This simple living thing is a journey, one I don't ever think has an end. Well I hope not! I hope to always be learning, refining the basic skills I have. :)

      xx

      Delete
  8. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful!!!!!
    Love every bit of this!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hello Em, what is the call that you think God has for your life? This sounds exciting, and I think we need to revisit this periodically so we don't lose sight of this precious call.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I started off my adult working life as a registered nurse with a specialty under my belt. But in the last 18 months I have decided not to return to nursing after much prayer and serious contemplation. I have a huge passion for helping people heal spiritually. I believe in holistic health of the mind/body/spirit and in my nursing career I felt I was only fulfilling part of this passion and nagging part of me was growing and growing to the point I just felt I needed to explore it fully.

      So I'm in a program in my church called period of discernment where I discern with an experienced mentor, (who might I add, is utterly amazing) and experience various ministry's in the church, there are workshops monthly at bible collage and in the coming year I'm looking forward to doing my diploma of ministry through collage, I have thought about doing the full bachelor but to be honest I'm not an amazing student (paperwork is my nemesis. ;)and will only go down this path if I'm CERTAIN I need too. So for now I'm dipping my toe in, and going to try and get this post baby brain cranking again - its a little rusty!

      I huge on building true, real and diverse community where all people are valued, and their gifts and skills can be used to outwork into the community both inside and outside the church. I believe God wants to use everyone and helping people to see their increadbale value, explore their gifts really is a passion of mine. And then encouraging to follow their heart of hearts and just going through that process with them.

      I guess one day it may look like a pastoral role, but I'm more interested in the work then the outcome at this stage. God will deal with that bit. My focus is on gaining the experience and the theological knowledge to follow this call. (in my church we have a Pastor, Reverend, Deacon)I have been mostly working with families, mostly Mothers and their little ones and more recently youth this year during various times.

      So the first six months I was throwing myself into this, but with one thing or another the last 6 months I really struggled to keep momentum. Part of this was I really needed to slow down and remember I have 3 small children, two still at home, and this is not a race but yet a journey for me to thoroughly explore and learn from every step of the way. Selling/buying/moving/tough winter with the business took priority, but in the new year I will have two children at school and truly feel its the right time to be stepping back into this program and giving it my all again.

      xx

      Delete
  10. I too am learning to try and do what I want and what is best for my little family and I. I try not to let others opinions affect me, but there are days where I can't seem to help it. I'm also 32 and feel the older I get, the less I care about what others think.
    Good on you for wanting to get back to that 😊
    -Kelly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel the same - Some days I rock at it and others it does bother me, sometimes a little sometimes far too much. But I guess knowing following my heart, or dreams does not mean I'm judging them, it just means I'm following my heart. I think there is freedom in that.

      xx

      Delete
  11. Lovely post articulating well what happens to a lot of us, especially the bit about rushing to simplify. Having your hair the way you like is a great way of expressing who you are the moment, easily changed whenever you feel the need to change. Have always loved dreads on other people and have a male friend who is in his 50's who has lovely dreads.Do what makes you feel good I say.

    ReplyDelete

Thankyou so much for visiting me here in my little corner of the big wide web. I really appreciate your comments, and love to read each and every one of them. I will always endevour to reply, but occasionally I run out of time. But please know they mean alot to me! If something resonates with you feel free to "Like" and "share", its nice to know I'm not talking to myself. Ha!

Powered by Blogger.
Back to Top