I'm going to admit, I have been doing a whole heap of thinking since the fires. A whole lot of reflection on my life and how I live it.
There are somethings Im very happy with, I'm really content and happy with the overall direction of our lives, our values and the things awe are trying to do, though its not all rosy. There is always room for improvement!
I am the kind of person that could potentially turn into a hermit. I quite like my own company, to sit with my thoughts, to filter through them. Often I get this time in sewing, or gardening. When I do this I live a better life, a more intentional life. I'm a better wife, a better mother, a better friend.
I have spent too much time this year saying "yes" when actually I wanted to say "no". I actually thought I was pretty good at saying "no". But upon deeper reflection this is not actually the case. There has been a cost to this. I still worry what other people think of me, not a lot, but its still there in the back of my mind. Sometimes these "yes" answers have put my family second,and I want to change this in the coming year. I have done things to please others which has not been in our own families best interests. It has made our family rush, it has brought in unnecessary complexity and stress.
I realized I have been rushing simplifying - oh the irony!! Sometimes I'm so busy trying to keep things going that I don't always include the boys on the valuable life lessons around the house. I don't include them in real and meaningful work enough. We do not insist on them actually completing enough age appropriate responsibility. They do work of course, but I'm too soft, I let them wiggle out of finishing the job, I have been letting them slide back to the TV in the last few months, a habit we have slipped into due to tiredness and rushing but badly needs to change. Or I find myself taking over the job as its faster and uses less energy then instructing/helping them do it.
I am struggling to get into the Christmas spirit this year, I think it will be a quiet one. But I am ready to start afresh. My mind and my focus is renewed after the fires.
I have realized I do not allow myself enough grace, there are small and do-able dreams I have I have not given myself permission to work towards.
The other day Oprah Winfrey was in the city for a single show. I wanted to go, but I could not justify the tickets. It was a big expense, the family comes first, its not a necessity I told myself. Then the fires came and I was reminded of the fact we only live once. It just so happened that on the day something popped up on my news feed and I thought to myself "I'm going to do it!" Its a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience something I have dreamed of for years. So I rang my dear friend and we bought the cheapest tickets at the very last minute at $99, drove into the city and went! We brought our own water, parked a little way away so it was free and it was a beautiful, soul replenishing night and a wonderful experience! An opportunity I was not going to ALLOW myself to have.
You know what else I have always wanted to do but not done in fear of judgement? Get dreads. Little, neat dreads. I have ALWAYS loved them. To me there is just something beautiful about them. Now I know they are not everyone's thing but in the new year I'm going to do it. Because you know what? Its HAIR. It will grow back, they are not permanent, and if I don't I'm going to one day regret not giving myself permission to explore my own style because of what other people think of it. My style is kinda earthy, a little quirky, and simple. I mean seriously I'm 32 (33?) years old, whose permission am I waiting for? I will be able to neatly tie them up, to pop them in a neat bun if need be. Its really no big deal but I have never done it because of what other people think.
Living simply does not mean depriving oneself of dreams and experiences and the occasional luxury, it means cutting away the excess to focus on what TRULY matters. Spending the night listening to Oprah talking about living your best life helped me process the jumbled thoughts and reflections I have been having and trying to work though.
I feel like the things I want to say "yes" too in the new year are clearer, and the things I need to let go of are as well.
It is not always going to be easy, but I feel like I'm well on the way to simplifying myself, and I think the flow on will be nothing but positive for our little family.
I have been reminded I do not need to try and fix others issues - I simply need to focus on what is im my heart of hearts to do, to help with and pour my energy into that. To fulfill the call I believe God has on my life. Control is simply an illusion, one I realize I had too tight a grip of and was sapping energy I didn't need to spend worrying about things I had no power to change. These are things I knew, but bad habits that had slowly and silently crept up on me, as bad habits usually do.
The cause? Rushing. Not enough time in prayer, in quiet reflection, meditation. What ever you want to call it. Not enough time listening to my heart and my quiet inner voice and too much time listening to the louder, more demanding outside voices around me. This is my fault - not theirs. I alone am responsible to how I process and choose to interact with the world around me.
So next year I have a few thoughts that I'm praying over, waiting to see what comes to fruition. But this is for sure, I will be doing far LESS, but giving those one or two outside things my best.
So I ask you all to allocate at least 15 minutes soon to sit in quiet, meditation, prayer, reflection and listen to the quiet voice in your heart. Is there something like me, that you are missing?
Much love,
Em
xx
There are somethings Im very happy with, I'm really content and happy with the overall direction of our lives, our values and the things awe are trying to do, though its not all rosy. There is always room for improvement!
I am the kind of person that could potentially turn into a hermit. I quite like my own company, to sit with my thoughts, to filter through them. Often I get this time in sewing, or gardening. When I do this I live a better life, a more intentional life. I'm a better wife, a better mother, a better friend.
I have spent too much time this year saying "yes" when actually I wanted to say "no". I actually thought I was pretty good at saying "no". But upon deeper reflection this is not actually the case. There has been a cost to this. I still worry what other people think of me, not a lot, but its still there in the back of my mind. Sometimes these "yes" answers have put my family second,and I want to change this in the coming year. I have done things to please others which has not been in our own families best interests. It has made our family rush, it has brought in unnecessary complexity and stress.
I realized I have been rushing simplifying - oh the irony!! Sometimes I'm so busy trying to keep things going that I don't always include the boys on the valuable life lessons around the house. I don't include them in real and meaningful work enough. We do not insist on them actually completing enough age appropriate responsibility. They do work of course, but I'm too soft, I let them wiggle out of finishing the job, I have been letting them slide back to the TV in the last few months, a habit we have slipped into due to tiredness and rushing but badly needs to change. Or I find myself taking over the job as its faster and uses less energy then instructing/helping them do it.
I am struggling to get into the Christmas spirit this year, I think it will be a quiet one. But I am ready to start afresh. My mind and my focus is renewed after the fires.
I have realized I do not allow myself enough grace, there are small and do-able dreams I have I have not given myself permission to work towards.
The other day Oprah Winfrey was in the city for a single show. I wanted to go, but I could not justify the tickets. It was a big expense, the family comes first, its not a necessity I told myself. Then the fires came and I was reminded of the fact we only live once. It just so happened that on the day something popped up on my news feed and I thought to myself "I'm going to do it!" Its a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience something I have dreamed of for years. So I rang my dear friend and we bought the cheapest tickets at the very last minute at $99, drove into the city and went! We brought our own water, parked a little way away so it was free and it was a beautiful, soul replenishing night and a wonderful experience! An opportunity I was not going to ALLOW myself to have.
You know what else I have always wanted to do but not done in fear of judgement? Get dreads. Little, neat dreads. I have ALWAYS loved them. To me there is just something beautiful about them. Now I know they are not everyone's thing but in the new year I'm going to do it. Because you know what? Its HAIR. It will grow back, they are not permanent, and if I don't I'm going to one day regret not giving myself permission to explore my own style because of what other people think of it. My style is kinda earthy, a little quirky, and simple. I mean seriously I'm 32 (33?) years old, whose permission am I waiting for? I will be able to neatly tie them up, to pop them in a neat bun if need be. Its really no big deal but I have never done it because of what other people think.
Living simply does not mean depriving oneself of dreams and experiences and the occasional luxury, it means cutting away the excess to focus on what TRULY matters. Spending the night listening to Oprah talking about living your best life helped me process the jumbled thoughts and reflections I have been having and trying to work though.
I feel like the things I want to say "yes" too in the new year are clearer, and the things I need to let go of are as well.
It is not always going to be easy, but I feel like I'm well on the way to simplifying myself, and I think the flow on will be nothing but positive for our little family.
I have been reminded I do not need to try and fix others issues - I simply need to focus on what is im my heart of hearts to do, to help with and pour my energy into that. To fulfill the call I believe God has on my life. Control is simply an illusion, one I realize I had too tight a grip of and was sapping energy I didn't need to spend worrying about things I had no power to change. These are things I knew, but bad habits that had slowly and silently crept up on me, as bad habits usually do.
The cause? Rushing. Not enough time in prayer, in quiet reflection, meditation. What ever you want to call it. Not enough time listening to my heart and my quiet inner voice and too much time listening to the louder, more demanding outside voices around me. This is my fault - not theirs. I alone am responsible to how I process and choose to interact with the world around me.
So next year I have a few thoughts that I'm praying over, waiting to see what comes to fruition. But this is for sure, I will be doing far LESS, but giving those one or two outside things my best.
So I ask you all to allocate at least 15 minutes soon to sit in quiet, meditation, prayer, reflection and listen to the quiet voice in your heart. Is there something like me, that you are missing?
Much love,
Em
xx
