I'm struggling at the moment.
I'm oh so tired.
Angus is still anxious about school, I often glance across him and see his little face creased with worry. Sometimes it is all too much and he breaks down with big heaving sobs that come from the very core of his being. He is trying so hard to find his feet but he misses home. He misses the familiarity of a proper house, of his bedroom and his toys. I wish I could wrap him up and wipe it all away. I would carry it for him if I could. Such is the ache of motherhood.
I know how he feels, for I miss it too.
I miss the comfort, I miss our things. I miss snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, I miss having a full-size fridge and oven. I miss electricity and reliable internet, I miss the feeling of security that a proper home offers. When push comes to shove, I simply miss home.
Angus and I are alike in this way, whereas Grant, Will and Henry are better able to roll with the punches. It is an inherent part of who we each are, I have learned how to better cope with time. But still, the deep desire for familiarity and stability exists.
I am a homebody. Without it, I feel untethered. Adrift.
This move is hard for me, and today I am tired.
I believe it is important to acknowledge our struggles. We all have them. So often in this modern world, people hide their weaknesses and their downtimes. But I do not believe it is healthy to do so and it certainly creates unrealistic expectations for those who are looking in at us. For those who read this blog and want to make a similar move, it would be unkind of me to only talk about the good things and to gloss over the difficult days.
Emotions will come and go. Some will be happy and some will be sad. It is important we honour the sad feelings, allow them to come, to sit with them and to let them pass.
I know we will get on our feet here, I know we will create a lovely home, with big beautiful productive gardens and I know Angus will settle into his new school and grow happy there in his own time.
But today, at this moment it all feels big.
Much love,
Emma
xx
I'm oh so tired.
Angus is still anxious about school, I often glance across him and see his little face creased with worry. Sometimes it is all too much and he breaks down with big heaving sobs that come from the very core of his being. He is trying so hard to find his feet but he misses home. He misses the familiarity of a proper house, of his bedroom and his toys. I wish I could wrap him up and wipe it all away. I would carry it for him if I could. Such is the ache of motherhood.
I know how he feels, for I miss it too.
I miss the comfort, I miss our things. I miss snuggling on the couch and watching a movie, I miss having a full-size fridge and oven. I miss electricity and reliable internet, I miss the feeling of security that a proper home offers. When push comes to shove, I simply miss home.
(The Little Old Cottage mid renovations before we moved to the farm)
Home. It is not a place of perfection, instead it is a place of living. Of doing the washing, of cooking and eating meals togetaher, of working out squabbles, reading books and deep love for one another. It is often messy with all the jobs on the go which go with a young family. But within that mess lies such beauty.
I am a homebody. Without it, I feel untethered. Adrift.
This move is hard for me, and today I am tired.
I believe it is important to acknowledge our struggles. We all have them. So often in this modern world, people hide their weaknesses and their downtimes. But I do not believe it is healthy to do so and it certainly creates unrealistic expectations for those who are looking in at us. For those who read this blog and want to make a similar move, it would be unkind of me to only talk about the good things and to gloss over the difficult days.
Though we may be camping and living off-grid there is one thing that remains consistant with a young family - washing.....ha!
I know we will get on our feet here, I know we will create a lovely home, with big beautiful productive gardens and I know Angus will settle into his new school and grow happy there in his own time.
But today, at this moment it all feels big.
Much love,
Emma
xx
