There is so much written today about being mindful, about being still, about
not rushing and being in the moment.
And there is good reason for it, it's really important stuff. With
mental health problems at an all time high, work days that never end with the
availability of mobile phones, and email wherever we are, and people living
more individualistic independent lives than ever before.
Well our bodies are being bombarded with cortisone
and never-ending to-do lists.
It’s not good for us.
But it seems
impossible to slow down at times, doesn’t it?
I’m in a stage where life in many ways, is speeding up.
With the boys, work, and 3 subjects this
semester, there is an increase of the outside demands on my time, meaning I am
out of the home more than ever before.
The volume and type of jobs around the home hasn’t changed, it never
really does.
There is washing to do,
meals to cook, a house to clean, dishes to do, homework to help with.
What’s more, all of these things are
important to me in creating and building a nurturing family home which is a
refuge from the world.
I am essentially transitioning from being a full time stay at home mother,
to a working/studying mother.
I would
like to say I have it down pat but the truth is, I don’t.
Studying today, uninterrupted as I was meant to be at college. What luxury!
Aggie my little study buddy, it was just me and her all day. The oven was lit and the fire crackling away, occasionally interrupted by a contented grunt coming from the little black bear of a dog curled up in her bed. What a total princess! It's a tough life hey?
What I do have is our core family values which hold us in good stead.
That we value time together over “things”,
that we value a simple life, we value books and quiet time together, we value
working together, we value nature which is reflected in our somewhat hap-hazard
gardening efforts, bushwalks and camping in our old vintage caravan.
I’m not going to share a “how too” because what works for me, will not
necessarily work for others.
But I thought I would share a few lessons I have learnt and a story of how
they have unfolded in the past week or so.
The main one is saying “no” to the things I think I
could possibly squeeze in if I’m super organized.
You know I’m talking about, the small extra
task we think we should do.
On its own these
kind of tasks seem innocent enough, add 5-6 of them and suddenly we find
ourselves juggling
waaayyyy more
balls then we ever intended.
Often
coming to a head all at the same time.
(What’s
with that anyway?) I often find it easier to say no to the big things, rather
than the small.
We can justify it
clearly and our reasons are understood to be valid by others.
But it’s not the big things that tend to tip
us over the edge, it’s the little, seemingly innocent things.
I’m reminded of the children’s book “Who Sank
The Boat” by Pamela Allen.
For those of
you who don’t know it, the book is about a little row boat and a bunch of big
animals all want to get in at once.
One
by one they do, carefully counter balancing their weight.
Finally, there is a just a little mouse who
wants to hop in, it seems innocent enough – he is a after all, a tiny
creature.
But it is him who upsets the
balance of the little row boat and everyone goes toppling into the water.
It is really a wonderful picture book and
carries a message that can resonate with all ages.
This week for us has a lot going on.
My car died and un-resurrect-able death last week meaning we are down to
one car, with two adults going in seemingly different directions.
I have a short answer task due for collage, a
short quiz, a stack of reading, and two essays.
And the usual work/family/homework/cooking etc.
It means I have had to say “no” to coffee with
friends, I have had to say “no” an unexpected church council meeting called
that I was asked to attend, I knew they would have their quorum so all would be
fine, but I also know they would have preferred I go.
It means I had to miss college as it was
going to take too much time to try and juggle cars/busses/school run and put too
much pressure on Grant to work around me.
I also had to look forward at my schedule as I was asked to fill a space
on the preaching roster.
Now I enjoy
preaching.
It’s important to me and I
take it as both great privilege and responsibility.
But in this very season, it may well be the innocent
looking little mouse that tips my row boat.
Each of these extra things on their own are innocent enough, a couple of
hours here, a couple of hours there.
But
add them up?
Suddenly I would have lost
a significant amount of time.
What would the cost have been?
Well time
for one, but I can guarantee I would be more stressed. Which adds to the chance of convenience food
being embraced, which makes me feel tired and unhealthy, which adds stress to
my load as I wouldn’t feel able to do what I need to let alone the extras.
If I’m too stressed I turn into a growly-bear
like creature who is not pleasant to live with.
I would have had to stay up late to get the house hold chores done,
adding to more tiredness, adding to more stress, adding to more bear-like behaviour.
But, instead I have submitted the quiz and short answer task, completed
necessary readings, and the research for the major essay is going strong and I
am well into the planning/drafting stage.
My other essay is in the works too, though will be a little
simpler.
I’m getting to bed at a
respectable time, my paid work is on track, the house is mostly tidy enough and
meals are simple but healthy.
Most importantly,
my family are getting the me they deserve, and deserve my best.
Not what is left over after I have given my
best to everyone else.
The reality is the church meeting went on without me just fine, the
preaching roster will be filled, my friend understood my situation and we will
have that coffee at a later stage.
I
have not added unnecessary stress to our families’ routine by trying to keep
the same pace while we are a car down.
There is no need to feel guilty as I will be able to go to the next
church meeting, I am allowed to miss a couple of lectures without it affecting
my grade if I give notice, there is plenty of time to preach and I can possibly
pick up a couple next roster for someone else if need be.
There are few problems so big they don’t have
a solution in our everyday lives, yet often we rush about like crazy things
thinking we need to solve
aaaallllll
the problems ourselves, without help.
Do you see the picture I am trying to paint?
It is important to say no,
especially
to the little things because they add up.
Even when they are valid and important
things.
It is when we say no, that we are
able to create space in which to find those quiet, peaceful moments we are so desperately
looking for.
That our bodies, minds and souls need more then ever. When we say no, we are in turn saying
yes to the things which truly matter.
Much love,
Emma
xx
