Kids toys...I am not entirely sure how they seem to expand and multiply when
we are sleeping but they do!
A few "hand-me downs" are kindly gifted, a birthday passes, a
grandparent sees something they think a child might like and before you know it
the toys are falling off the shelves...again!
Over the years, I have developed a system that works really well for
us. Eventually Grant got on board too. He has Bower bird tendancies. ;)
I'm a big believer in including kids where possible, though there are times
I de-clutter a little as I’m tiding, but only things I know are broken
or rubbish. I strongly believe this is their home, they are their toys and
belongings and they need to have autonomy over their own things I believe if
they are going to grow into adults who respect and care for their
possessions.
This is Will's own little succulant patch. He loves them. I take cuttings for him when I see new ones out and about, and he does too. He then plants them up and sells them to us and visitors, budding businessman!
Firstly, we are very matter of fact about life in this house. We have
explained their privilege to them, and continue to teach them about this.
We educate them about other countries, about our own country. We
have shown them pictures of how other families live and we try and help them
develop the natural empathy, kindness and love for others that children
innately poses. Not in a way that guilt's them, but instead we use it as
a tool to empower them to see how they can help children like them, who are not
as lucky as we are. To show them they can make a difference, even though
they are small. We make it a celebratory time. I talk about how
happy another child will be to receive such a special toy, how happy a parent
will be to be able to find good toys for their children and how the money that
is raised will go to buying Christmas hampers and so forth.
The tree is up - but alas its not "real" due to a house full of people terribly allergic to pine trees!
We talk about keeping only what we use and really love. That way it
makes cleaning up faster, and we are happier as we get to do more fun things
together. I re-assure them that I will never throw out or donate
something they love of they say "no". I respect that this is
their home.
And you know what? They truly get it. We go through everything
and pick it up and ask if we can donate it. We chat about if they want to
pick it up, if they want it taking up the limited space on the shelves, if they
still actually play with it or if they have out-grown it and what it might look
like.
This is not a conversation we have twice a year, its simply how our family
approaches "stuff" in an everyday and ordinary manner. We focus
on what we have, what we love and what we truly want in our house. After
that, the rest is generally easy to let go.
I think if we want to grow mindful adults, we need to challenge
and grow mindful children. In a time where child hood and parenting is
made into such a complex situation, I find it helpful to simply step out of all
the hype, the "must haves" the parenting experts and just
chill. These days when everything is measured and
critiqued, "educational" and getting ahead is pushed and
shoved down our throats.
When we focus on the benefits of donating and how great the kids are doing -
it makes the entire process pretty easy. I have a folder for paintings
and special things. But fortunately the boys are pretty good at letting
stuff go. I don’t think it is an accident they are. We have worked
hard to build consistent and persistent attitudes around this subject.
That’s the key to most parenting problems with very young children isn’t
it? Consistency and persistency. In whatever form it takes that
aligns with your parenting style.
The toy situation in the western world is not now nor has it ever
actually been about the development of the child, its generally about a
company’s bottom line. Toy companies work hard to get us to depend on
their "knowledge" and products.
Here is a little story for you - I’m on a tangent but bare with me.
I was walking in Big W the other day to buy a new washing
basket. I generally avoid the shops at all costs. But mine was
well and truly broken and ran a risk of snagging my clothes. So off
I toddled, annoyed that "nothing lasts these days". I was
walking to the isle and I heard a group of three middle aged adults taking
about the "washing machine specialist" who had advised them that the
"ONLY" good washing powder to use was a particular expensive
brand. I was highly amused and saddened at the same time.
This "specialist" is not a true specialist. He was not
someone who built and repaired washing machines, who cared
about maintaining a good working machine. It was a salesman, who
sold new washing machines who most likely worked in affiliation with
said expensive brand washing powder.
Companies name these people "specialists" as if to raise them up above us. To make us believe that they must know better then we do, and when did the turn of phrase "specialist" begin getting applied
to salesmen? I always thought a specialist was someone highly
trained, highly experienced in a field. You know, like a brain surgeon or
something like that.
And another thing, when did the simple task of washing clothes become so
"complex" and expensive that we need a "specialist" to
teach us how to do it "right'?! Pfffft.....What a load of absolute
rubbish.
But that is the power of marketing and consumerism. These three smart
people had been brain washed by the system. Then I got sad. Sad
that this kind of information is rife today. Sad that parents get told
similar lies about products they "need" for their children, sad that
so many people buy into it unknowingly and it brings them nothing but
financial strain, anxiety, stress and a feeling of in-adequacy.
So, as we approach this season of excess. Let’s look around, lets
donate good quality children’s toys in time for Christmas for those that have
less. Let’s be mindful about the items we bring into our lives, into our
homes and the message they send our children. Lets give less"stuff" and give more of ourselves. Let’s be
confident in our skills and that our children more than likely have
"enough" just as it is. They are always watching and learning
from our behaviour.
Hanging out at the beach. We hope to be present during the Chistmas holidays, that these will be the memories that shape our children when they remember Christmas.
Grant and I have decided not to give each other Christmas
presents, and that has been the case for most of the year. There is truly
nothing we want, what a blessed life we have. In our run down little old ramshackle cottage. Our gift in this season is love, presence and
mindfulness.
That to me is the true
spirit of Christmas.
Much Love,
Emma
xx
