Christmas...

Well there is no denying it, Christmas is fast approaching. 

I'm going to be honest.  I'm struggling these days with Christmas.  I'm struggling to find the joy. 


We are bombarded with questions of "what can we get the kids?"  and my insides scream "nothing!" Its just more crap to pick up and they genuinly have enough of everything.  In fact, they have more then enough.  So I rake my brain trying to think of something suitable, that is going to last, that they actually want, thats not going to break in the first week, that they will love.  I try to put away my cynasism and make it special for them.
 
Family wants us to be with them over Christmas - at their houses.....which means as usual we have to travel several hours.  We will never be able to make everyone happy.

We have to buy gifts for everyone and if I'm completly honest "gifts" are my absoloute lowest love language.  It's not my thing, Im not worried about material posessions, I want for nothing, and know in reality those in my life want for little also.  So whats the point of spending lots on stuff that is going to sit around in others homes?  You know?  I could give that money to charity.....But I do give gifts because I love my family and I understand that gift giving is important to them.

We are just so privledged, and Christmas is all to often a time of over indulgance and gluttony.  Such a stark contrast to so much of the world. 

I used to LOVE Christmas when I was a kid.  It was completly magic with all the cousins gathered around, special food, laughter and and abundance of love.  I'm not sure what happened to make me cynical.  Perhaps because "Christ" is often missing from "Christmas" in our family circles, which pains me more then I would like to admit.....But then again he was never there in my family circles when I grew up either. 

Perhaps because I feel we are expected to fit in with everyone else, and even when we do our best we are bound to leave someone dissapointed.  Which I hate.  Im not sure what stole my joy, I suspect a combination of things. 

But Im going to be honest, Christmas has lost its magic for me, and quite frankly Im not sure how to find it again. 

I put on a smile, we play the music, I do the gifts, we do the miles and we do our best.  But for me, the truth is that it's hollow these days.  I crave a deeper Christmas, something that stirs my heart and my imagination again, something that brings back just a sprinkle of the child like wonder I used to love so much.  Though Im not sure how to get there, which saddens me. 
 
How do you keep the Christmas magic?

Much love,
Emma
xx   
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